The Black Cat Enigma

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

First post of 2011

Is it sad that the first post I make in 2011 comes in March?

Yes, that's how far behind I've fallen in my blogging.

What motivated me to start blogging again, you ask? Well, it's a subject I'm doing this semester - Introduction to Fiction Writing. I really like the subject - it makes me think like a creative writer again, to take in all the smells, sounds, sights, and to translate that into text. It's a skill that not everyone can do - people can picture scenes in their head but you have to have a good grasp of vocabulary to be able to pick the words that will best paint the picture you're trying to show people.

I used to tell my mother about the scenes that would form in my head when I was reading a book. I'd tell her about how reading a book felt also like watching a movie I created in my head, and I even told her 'I wish I could plug the tv to my head so you can see!'

But with writing, people can see. As a writer it's your job to help them see the movie inside your head. And maybe that's what I like most about writing - it's a reflection of your thoughts, your creativity. The tools already exist - you just need to know how to use them.

I changed the layout of my blog to a generic Blogger one. Curious, I know, since previously I've spent hours and hours trying to find the perfect layout that best describes me when I look at the blog, that people will know what my style is like.

I realise now I don't have to. My style - who I am - is right here, in my writing, in my words. And that's all anyone really needs.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Short update!

I am failing at blogging.

Yes, I admit it, I have a horrible record of motivation. I used to blog every day, but now that I sort of have to cook and clean for myself every day, there seems to be less time in the day than there used to be!

So, what's new in my life?

Well, it's the second semester here in Monash, and right now my..7th month in Melbourne.

Things are good, not epic, but good. I'm not as homesick as I was before, I'm getting better about cooking stuff, and I think I'm doing all right in uni so far. This is the easy semester, though, I know next year is going to be hard.

Ironically, the easier something is, the less motivation you have to do it. It's quite peculiar. Like this Editing and Design class that I'm doing, I'm getting about average marks and I know I need to practice with the software more but I just don't do it. I need to snap out of it!

I'm happier this semester because I also have friends around :) Better than last semester, where I was adjusting and pretty much went out with just Matthew all the time.

Also, if you ask me about him and how we've been, you're likely to get a very boring answer. 'We're still fine, nothing has changed'. Yeah, I know it's not particularly inspiring, but what do you want me to say? He comes to my place, we cook, then we both get on our computers, and maybe sometimes we go out. There's not all that much to it. :P But we're both happy, and I think that's what counts. :)

Okay that's the end of my short update. Consider yourself now in touch with my life!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Long overdue updates

Hi, it's me again.

Yes, I know I've not updated for eons. EONS, I tell you.

I could give a lot of reasons but I'll cut the crap and tell you the truth - I was lazy. :P Yes, I know, so much for that resolution of blogging once a week. This is where I would promise to blog more often, but I know I won't keep that promise so what's the point. :P Maybe I should try reverse psychology - I'm going to tell myself NOT to blog, maybe I'll end up blogging instead :P

Right now..I'm at my friend Kim's house, using her laptop while she's trying to study - she must have amazing concentration to still be able to study medicine while there are two toddlers outside the room and me noisily typing away here. My mind drifts off when I'm reading usual stuff, nevermind medicine stuff. This is why I could never be a doctor - I don't have the passion required for the subject, hah.

'So, how's life?'

I know that's the question you people are dying to ask. Well, the short version is that life seems to be a tiny bit busier than usual. I haven't actually started to study properly yet *cough* but give me a break, it's only the second week going into the third week of uni. Although I have to admit it already seems like I've been here forever, even though I know I haven't.

So far I find my subjects pretty interesting, I think Editing and Design is going to be a nice subject for me even though I don't really have the talent for design, but I suppose that's the whole point of going to university - to learn. University is the place where you refine your skills and deepen your interests in the things you're good at, the place where you plug all the gaps. Previously I was good in writing but lousy in designing..maybe this will help me learn, if nothing else. My Online Journalism tutor said he thought I would like it. So far it's pretty practical, which in a world of theory-based subjects, is not bad.

I also tried to do a subject called Communication and Creativity, which apparently other people really love but for some reason I just couldn't like it. The first lecture talked all about how creativity was formed through art, and it mentioned a lot of old artists..and I can tell you, it was a monumental struggle not to fall asleep.

I eventually changed it to travel and representation..which in my opinion, is a far more interesting subject. Basically it looks at how tourism and travel is represented in writing and in people's minds, which I find quite fascinating - we don't think about travel that often and as nothing more than a leisure activity, but in truth tourism actually has pretty far-ranging consequences.

It seems a bit paradoxical to me, that I'm so interested in the way things - or people - interact with each other and with the world. It fascinates me, human behaviour, and yet I myself am so lousy at communicating. Perhaps I spend so much time observing that I don't actually know how to apply it in the real world. That makes no sense, but whatever. Art students don't have to make sense!

On to more interesting topics..my birthday is a scant 3 days from now. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. On the one hand, I feel a bit sad and depressed, because I'm turning the big 2-0 - at home, I would have multiple celebrations with different groups of friends, and at the very least we would have outings and I might even get a cake or something. But here, in a land where I'm practically a stranger, the odds of that happening look extremely slim. It just makes me sad that I can't celebrate such a milestone with the people I love most with me.

Some people may say birthdays don't mean anything, that they're just another day in your life. Well, to use a very Australian expression, stuff that. Birthdays are special to me, and if you're a special person in my life, you can count on me to make sure your birthday is as special as it gets.

On the other hand, I do have Matthew here, which will make my birthday a hundred times better than it potentially could have been. I am slightly disappointed that it falls on a day where I have a lot of classes, but at least it's not a full day (I end at 2). We'll see what happens, I guess.

I also think I've learnt another lesson since coming here. I'm a person who believes in luck and fate, and that all things happen for a reason. However, I also realise that we can't rely entirely on luck - we have to make the effort to create an opening for the luck/magic/fate/whatever you believe in to work. I mean, how can you meet the guy of your dreams if you're holed up in your room 24/7? You have to make the effort to get out there, to try to look pretty, and there Luck has the leeway to perhaps send a cute guy your way. He's certainly not going to barge into your room and sweep you off your feet.

Luck rewards people who work hard to give it a chance.

Finally, before ending this post, a big

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!

I miss you lots, and I'm sorry I wasn't there to cut the cake with you. I promise I'll get you a present before I go home (though I know you won't want one, but I'm still going to, so there :P) or maybe even cook you a birthday dinner, I guess? :P
I'll be thinking of you when I cut my cake! (I'll get myself a cake if I have to!)

Friday, June 25, 2010

Introspection.

I know I promised to write a post about the bus stop that had its roof torn off, but right now I'm not really in the mood for it.

Those of you who know me well enough know that I live a sort of double life - half here, half in the world of Achaea. Usually, I'm happy in my double life role, but lately things have just been going horribly there and it makes me upset to get on, yet I still feel like I ought to because I have responsibilities there. I don't -want- to get on, and often I don't, but there always seems to be a niggling urge at the back of my mind to get on. I don't know why.

I feel like I need an intervention.

It's stupid, really, to care about things that happen in a fictional world. No matter how 'powerful' or how 'strong' you get in an online world, so what? It's not going to be something you can put down on a resume. It's not anything that's going to change your life in the slightest way. So why does it matter in the least if things screw up? At least you have the option of -leaving-. In real life, there isn't such an option.

I guess it hurts because I've invested so much of my time and energy there that yes - it does feel like another life to me. This is probably a dangerous precedent, but don't worry, once semester starts again properly and once I start working I'll probably leave that realm for good. I guess I just need to learn to care less. In the grand scheme of things, nothing will ever matter as much as what I have in real life.

Some people may see this as weakness, as giving up. But really, it's just reevaluating the things important to me in my life, and maybe Achaea isn't as important to me as I thought it was.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Random thoughts on love.

Hi everyone.

Yes, I know it's been a long time since I last updated. Life has just been crazy with assignments one after another, and general living..

...okay and I've just been lazy, so sue me. :P

Hmm..there isn't really much to update. The weather is getting a lot colder now, if any part of your skin isn't covered up by something (e.g. hands and feet), even with a heater in your room it can get pretty cold. I am eternally thankful for the fact that it doesn't drop below freezing, though, or I would be pretty miserable!

I find that it is getting harder and harder to motivate myself to properly look after myself, like cooking regularly, doing the washing, etc. Maybe it's the cold that contributes to the inertia, but either way I know this isn't a healthy way of living. Now with the loooooong break before my ONE exam, maybe I'll actually have time to indulge myself and look after myself properly.

The days also draw nearer to the date of my flight home. I'm looking forward to it very much, even though it's just a measly two weeks. I can't wait to see my family and friends again, not to mention having a CAR again (hopefully it's still there, at least) and Malaysian foooood...*daydreams* It's so tiring eating only the same dishes over and over and over.

On a completely unrelated note, do you find the thought of mushy public blogposts odd? I have read many blogs where 90% of the content is the owner of the blog spouting romantic nothings interspersed with tons of pictures of him/her and his/her significant other. This isn't really a dig against any of you who do that, if you want to proclaim your love to the world that's certainly your prerogative. But from my perspective,

A) Possibly not everyone who reads your blog wants to read all about you and your significant other and how sweet you are to each other (it only makes single people resentful)
B) Perhaps your only reader is your significant other, in which case the above is entirely fine
C) If you know your significant other loves you, and he/she knows you love him/her, is it entirely necessary to remind yourself again and again and again on a public blog? Or is it to remind your readers of what a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend you have?

Of course, I could be reading this entirely wrong, and maybe people are just SO HAPPY in their relationships that they can't hold themselves back from sharing it with the world.

Just my two cents.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Light at the end of the tunnel

Ironically as the date draws nearer to the time of my going back, I can't help but get more emo because I know that I'm so close to going home yet I'm not there yet, and there are all these assignments and exams that I have to get out of the way first but once the idea has been planted in my mind about going home it seems to be all I can think about.

I can't concentrate on writing my essay because my heart's not in it - who really wants to write about working class England when they're missing their family and friends?

I have to find a way to toughen up, though, because I came here for a reason. If I fail in my studies then the separation all these months will have been for nothing. If I am going to be separated from the people I love I want it to at least count for something.

Don't worry, though. I'm coming home soon. :)

To Mummy, with love.

It's the 9th of May today (well, technically the 10th for me now) and the second Sunday of May..which means it's Mother's Day.

I think this is probably the first Mother's Day where I haven't been around to celebrate it with my mother at home. Usually without fail we give her a present every year (whether or not she ends up using it) or even at least a card. I felt weird deciding not to send over one this year (for fear it would end up lost) so I guess a blog post will have to do instead! (And that's if she ever reads this blog anyway). I decided not to put a picture up because writing this post is already making me emo, and I have an essay to finish.

So Mummy, if you're reading this..

Happy Mother's Day. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye and maybe I don't say it enough, but you are the best mother anyone could ever ask for. I miss you, Daddy and Kai Hui so much and I really want to hurry up and finish studying here so I can come home. Australia is such a lovely place but it's nothing without all of you here too. I hope Kai Hui got you a present on my behalf!

(If not I'm not bringing you your cookies and cream, bro :P)

Otherwise I'll bring something for you and Daddy (for Father's Day) when I go home. I don't know what it is yet but it won't be anything with a koala or a kangaroo.

I miss you, and maybe I'll talk to you soon.

Happy Mother's Day.